What has happened to me?
The last 6ish months have by far been the hardest of my life. I wont cherry this up for you. Every morning I've woken up trying to be positive, repeating to myself, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE BLESSED, YOU ARE AMAZING, YOU WILL HAVE A GREAT DAY. While I only believed like .1% of what I was saying, I still tried to reassure myself that I was going to be okay.
Lets be real... Divorce (regardless of the reasons) is not easy, is not fun, and is emotionally and physically draining. To love someone so much, and realize that that person is not who you thought they were/are is so hard. To marry somoene cause you want to spend the rest of your life with them, and then realize that you were wrong, is even harder. To have to adjust to a life without the person you loved the most, and knew you the most is the hardest. While it is no ones business as to why I did the divorce... you should know I did it for good reasons.
Doing this divorce was so hard on me.
I own my house... and I owned it with my ex. I got to keep it in the divorce but now I had to adjust to making mortgage by myself.... not easy when you only have two part time jobs, and you're attending a school that is 500 a credit hour (I still don't understand why becoming a chef is so bloody expensive.) I applied for well over 400 full time jobs, had interview after interview, and still just couldn't manage to find a full time job. I was also promised supervisor positions, and full time slots at one of my jobs, but instead was jipped hours.
Basically my life consisted of waking up, working one job, running to the next, come home, go to bed, wake up and repeat the previous days activities. I was forced to quit school because as you can imagine with a server job... I wasn't making very much money....
I just felt like everything I tried to do to make my situation better just ended up pulling me further into the hole I was standing in. Soon the hole turned to a grave and try as I might to climb out... I kept just pulling dirt on top of me, burrying myself slowly.
I gained weight, (for those of you who know me... this is a HUGE deal to me.) I shut my friends and family out, I drank alone, I had very dark thoughts, I was definitely the stareotype for depression. I hated my situation and began to hate myself....
Wellllllll needless to say the last couple weeks have been life changing.
I get to breathe again
To be continued.
Lets be real... Divorce (regardless of the reasons) is not easy, is not fun, and is emotionally and physically draining. To love someone so much, and realize that that person is not who you thought they were/are is so hard. To marry somoene cause you want to spend the rest of your life with them, and then realize that you were wrong, is even harder. To have to adjust to a life without the person you loved the most, and knew you the most is the hardest. While it is no ones business as to why I did the divorce... you should know I did it for good reasons.
Doing this divorce was so hard on me.
I own my house... and I owned it with my ex. I got to keep it in the divorce but now I had to adjust to making mortgage by myself.... not easy when you only have two part time jobs, and you're attending a school that is 500 a credit hour (I still don't understand why becoming a chef is so bloody expensive.) I applied for well over 400 full time jobs, had interview after interview, and still just couldn't manage to find a full time job. I was also promised supervisor positions, and full time slots at one of my jobs, but instead was jipped hours.
Basically my life consisted of waking up, working one job, running to the next, come home, go to bed, wake up and repeat the previous days activities. I was forced to quit school because as you can imagine with a server job... I wasn't making very much money....
I just felt like everything I tried to do to make my situation better just ended up pulling me further into the hole I was standing in. Soon the hole turned to a grave and try as I might to climb out... I kept just pulling dirt on top of me, burrying myself slowly.
I gained weight, (for those of you who know me... this is a HUGE deal to me.) I shut my friends and family out, I drank alone, I had very dark thoughts, I was definitely the stareotype for depression. I hated my situation and began to hate myself....
Wellllllll needless to say the last couple weeks have been life changing.
I get to breathe again
To be continued.
